Since our lives began together, it became my mantra to always put his needs above mine. Yet what became a mantra for me, may not be so for him. As far as possible, I ensure that there's always warm, cooked food waiting for him when he wakes up or walks through the door, that his laundry and ironing is done, that the house is clean and everything within my possible limited maintenance skills will be at tip top condition. I try hard to be the perfect partner - allowing him space to study as he makes the big switch in his career path. When he comes home late from work, I wait till the food gets cold and zap in the microwave when he walks through the door.
Yet today I stared at the cruel fact that my mantra was definitely not his mantra. If it isn't enough that each morning begins with me waiting for him to wake up for breakfast and then getting frustrated and having it on my own, and then cooking lunch and trying to get him out of bed for at least 2 hours before I started getting upset, today then was the crowning glory in his lack of overseeing to my needs.
After a sleepless night, I texted and requested that he bring home food for dinner for the night. He came home empty handed and reassured me that we'll head out for dinner. I took a nap due to my exhaustion and woke up at 7 p.m and waited an hour for him to get himself out of bed. I told him I was hungry and ready for dinner. He looked at his phone and saw a text message from his aunt and proceeded to then call her and hang on the phone for more than an hour! When my hunger pangs grew worse, I kept signaling for him to hang up but he waves his hand off each time and signals at the fridge. One apple down and with frustration and hunger mounting, I feel very much like a cast-off wife!
If our housemate hadn't walked through the door, he would still be there - on the phone chatting with his aunt! We left for dinner after another round of him chatting with our housemate, much to my dismay. I vented my frustration but as always, he does not show signs of remorse. He mouths one simple 'sorry' and does not offer any explanation. A 'sorry' with no emotions in it. Indignation is what I felt steaming from him, and it made me angry.
9.50 p.m and we finally arrive at the restaurant. I knew that the gastric pangs would surely hit me soon. The food arrived and I tucked in unhappily. Tears streamed down my face, unguarded and raw. He does not notice. His eyes were on the TV. I wipe them away and still it came like a bursting dam. I told him I needed to head to another shop for a bit and he never once stopped me. I walked around the shop to stop my tears and cool my head. He does not even bother to call to check on me.
Moments later, composed, I went back to the restaurant and finished my meal. We went to the shop to pick up stuff in complete silence.
The gastric pangs came the moment we arrived at the bus stop. It caused cramps in my stomach. I held my hand to my stomach to massage and ease away the pain. He had his eyes glued on his phone. Never once, did he acknowledge me, sitting there next to me. Minutes passed in silence - him on his phone and my having to experience the gastric gases. When the bus arrived, he looked right at me, but as if right though me to tell me that the bus was here. Never once did he ask if I was alright. We got on the bus and he sat next to me, and never once did he look at me till we got off the bus.
I felt so hurt and unloved. How could this man who promised me to look after me for the rest of our lives, be so cold and uncaring? How had our marriage gotten to this stage? Anger, disappointment and sadness comes furling down upon me as I realised then that this person whom I call my husband doesn't really care about my well-being. I pray he'll wake up one day and realise how badly he has hurt my feelings and that I'm still around when that day comes. I pray that I'll have patience to deal with his uncaring behaviour. I pray that things will change. I pray that my love is strong enough to survive this. But most of all, I pray that he will love me as much as I love him.
Yet today I stared at the cruel fact that my mantra was definitely not his mantra. If it isn't enough that each morning begins with me waiting for him to wake up for breakfast and then getting frustrated and having it on my own, and then cooking lunch and trying to get him out of bed for at least 2 hours before I started getting upset, today then was the crowning glory in his lack of overseeing to my needs.
After a sleepless night, I texted and requested that he bring home food for dinner for the night. He came home empty handed and reassured me that we'll head out for dinner. I took a nap due to my exhaustion and woke up at 7 p.m and waited an hour for him to get himself out of bed. I told him I was hungry and ready for dinner. He looked at his phone and saw a text message from his aunt and proceeded to then call her and hang on the phone for more than an hour! When my hunger pangs grew worse, I kept signaling for him to hang up but he waves his hand off each time and signals at the fridge. One apple down and with frustration and hunger mounting, I feel very much like a cast-off wife!
If our housemate hadn't walked through the door, he would still be there - on the phone chatting with his aunt! We left for dinner after another round of him chatting with our housemate, much to my dismay. I vented my frustration but as always, he does not show signs of remorse. He mouths one simple 'sorry' and does not offer any explanation. A 'sorry' with no emotions in it. Indignation is what I felt steaming from him, and it made me angry.
9.50 p.m and we finally arrive at the restaurant. I knew that the gastric pangs would surely hit me soon. The food arrived and I tucked in unhappily. Tears streamed down my face, unguarded and raw. He does not notice. His eyes were on the TV. I wipe them away and still it came like a bursting dam. I told him I needed to head to another shop for a bit and he never once stopped me. I walked around the shop to stop my tears and cool my head. He does not even bother to call to check on me.
Moments later, composed, I went back to the restaurant and finished my meal. We went to the shop to pick up stuff in complete silence.
The gastric pangs came the moment we arrived at the bus stop. It caused cramps in my stomach. I held my hand to my stomach to massage and ease away the pain. He had his eyes glued on his phone. Never once, did he acknowledge me, sitting there next to me. Minutes passed in silence - him on his phone and my having to experience the gastric gases. When the bus arrived, he looked right at me, but as if right though me to tell me that the bus was here. Never once did he ask if I was alright. We got on the bus and he sat next to me, and never once did he look at me till we got off the bus.
I felt so hurt and unloved. How could this man who promised me to look after me for the rest of our lives, be so cold and uncaring? How had our marriage gotten to this stage? Anger, disappointment and sadness comes furling down upon me as I realised then that this person whom I call my husband doesn't really care about my well-being. I pray he'll wake up one day and realise how badly he has hurt my feelings and that I'm still around when that day comes. I pray that I'll have patience to deal with his uncaring behaviour. I pray that things will change. I pray that my love is strong enough to survive this. But most of all, I pray that he will love me as much as I love him.
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