Putting your needs above mine

Since our lives began together, it became my mantra to always put his needs above mine. Yet what became a mantra for me, may not be so for him. As far as possible, I ensure that there's always warm, cooked food waiting for him when he wakes up or walks through the door, that his laundry and ironing is done, that the house is clean and everything within my possible limited maintenance skills will be at tip top condition. I try hard to be the perfect partner - allowing him space to study as he makes the big switch in his career path. When he comes home late from work, I wait till the food gets cold and zap in the microwave when he walks through the door.

Yet today I stared at the cruel fact that my mantra was definitely not his mantra. If it isn't enough that each morning begins with me waiting for him to wake up for breakfast and then getting frustrated and having it on my own, and then cooking lunch and trying to get him out of bed for at least 2 hours before I started getting upset, today then was the crowning glory in his lack of overseeing to my needs.

After a sleepless night, I texted and requested that he bring home food for dinner for the night. He came home empty handed and reassured me that we'll head out for dinner. I took a nap due to my exhaustion and woke up at 7 p.m and waited an hour for him to get himself out of bed. I told him I was hungry and ready for dinner. He looked at his phone and saw a text message from his aunt and proceeded to then call her and hang on the phone for more than an hour! When my hunger pangs grew worse, I kept signaling for him to hang up but he waves his hand off each time and signals at the fridge. One apple down and with frustration and hunger mounting, I feel very much like a cast-off wife!

If our housemate hadn't walked through the door, he would still be there - on the phone chatting with his aunt! We left for dinner after another round of him chatting with our housemate, much to my dismay. I vented my frustration but as always, he does not show signs of remorse. He mouths one simple 'sorry' and does not offer any explanation. A 'sorry' with no emotions in it. Indignation is what I felt steaming from him, and it made me angry.

9.50 p.m and we finally arrive at the restaurant. I knew that the gastric pangs would surely hit me soon. The food arrived and I tucked in unhappily. Tears streamed down my face, unguarded and raw. He does not notice. His eyes were on the TV. I wipe them away and still it came like a bursting dam. I told  him I needed to head to another shop for a bit and he never once stopped me. I walked around the shop to stop my tears and cool my head. He does not even bother to call to check on me.

Moments later, composed, I went back to the restaurant and finished my meal. We went to the shop to pick up stuff in complete silence.

The gastric pangs came the moment we arrived at the bus stop. It caused cramps in my stomach. I held my hand to my stomach to massage and ease away the pain. He had his eyes glued on his phone. Never once, did he acknowledge me, sitting there next to me. Minutes passed in silence - him on his phone and my having to experience the gastric gases. When the bus arrived, he looked right at me, but as if right though me to tell me that the bus was here. Never once did he ask if I was alright. We got on the bus and he sat next to me, and never once did he look at me till we got off the bus.

I felt so hurt and unloved. How could this man who promised me to look after me for the rest of our lives, be so cold and uncaring? How had our marriage gotten to this stage? Anger, disappointment and sadness comes furling down upon me as I realised then that this person whom I call my husband doesn't really care about my well-being. I pray he'll wake up one day and realise how badly he has hurt my feelings and that I'm still around when that day comes. I pray that I'll have patience to deal with his uncaring behaviour. I pray that things will change. I pray that my love is strong enough to survive this. But most of all, I pray that he will love me as much as I love him.

The inconspicuous silicon cap

The constant swim sessions at the pool at our condo was doing damage to my hair. Gone was its lustrous texture, and it tangled easily. Each swim session ended with a furious hair moisturisation session, (as well as lips moisturisation as the skin of my lips kept peeling!).

Sam and I decided that enough was enough and we had to get something to protect my locks before it worsens. The solution? A silicone swim cap!

Off we went hunting for a silicone cap in the mall. We tested 2 models before deciding on the one that was a third of the price of the other brand.

When we got home and into the shower that night, Sam suggested that we try out my new silicon cap. I've never used a silicon cap in my entire life and was delighted when Sam said he watched a YouTube years ago that taught him how to put on the cap. Isn't this what husbands are for?

I listened to his explanation and thought it wasn't possible. The method was to turn the cap inside out, and then fill it up with water, he said. Alright, I was game for it. "How will it then be turned the right way around?", I quizzed. 

"Don't worry, I know how", he assured me.  

I trust Sam with all my heart and thought nothing about it. He made me crouch down slightly and before I knew it, the silicon cap came crashing down on my head! I was stunned as it did hurt slightly. My husband nearly gave me a concussion! The cap bounced off my head and onto the floor. 

"How could this have possibly worked?" I asked Sam. 

He was equally puzzled but he had seen the video and was sure about it. Now comes the next brainwave. "Why don't you try it on me?", asked Sam. 

I was thrilled. How else would I have been able to show my hubby what a crazy idea this was, whilst having a bit of fun along the way?

I filled up the cap with water and kept asking hubby dear to go lower and lower and then after calling out a warning, let go off the cap.

The cap went crashing down on his head and bounced off. The impact sent Sam reeling to the floor. I laughed so hard that I sat down on the floor.  "OMG! Did we nearly kill ourselves with that incospicuous silicon cap?" I asked.

We laughed at ourselves, the silicone cap and the hilarity of the moment. It was a rare 'Dumb and Dumber' moment - one that I will never forget for the rest of my life. And each time I recount the tale in my head or out loud, it makes me laugh once more. For I wish that moments like these will continue to speckle in our lives, giving it a bit of colour, and a lot of laughs. 

p/s: We've learned the proper way to use the cap now, thanks to YouTube.

Cameron Highlands, Malaysia: a brief respite from the city's heat

Sam and I headed for a planned road trip holiday from the Southern bits to the Northern parts of Malaysia. It was meant to be a relaxing trip (which would be very much in contradiction to my usual type of holiday: packed to the brim from one activity to another). Departing Malacca in the morning, we stopped in KL for lunch and repacked our things for our holiday. Our first holiday spot was Cameron Highlands.

Sam took to the wheel and I was really thankful for that as the skies darkened and rain poured down relentlessly. We could barely see the road and passed by several accidents. The most heart-wrenching was when we saw a car in an overturned position in the drain, with a man holding an umbrella and his baby in his arm standing next to the car. It was raining so heavily that we couldn't stop in time to help them but were thankful to see that another car managed to stop in time. The drive up the windy and mountainous road heading to Cameron Highlands was not made any easier with the torrential rain. A burning car blocked the road and the family stood watching haplessly as the fire fighters doused the fire.

A collective sigh of relief could be heard when we finally arrived at the hotel. The hotel was located in Brinchang, in one of the main tourist areas with plenty of restaurants and shops. Dinner was at Wai Yat Restaurant which was reasonably priced or so we thought till we saw that the restaurant close to it had a slightly cheaper menu. Fireworks went on for hours as the Hindus were celebrating Deepavali.

We were woken up by the Muslim morning prayers and it made me realise that the past few years, we've been living abroad and were not subjected to the prayers in the mornings. I prefer waking up to the chirping of birds as we did when we lived in Australia.

The weather was cooling and nice the following day, after the huge downpour the previous evening. We had nasi lemak for breakfast at the Tanah Rata Majlis stalls (near Maybank and Agro Bank). Our initial plan to have strawberry waffles at Yong Teng Cafe had to be scrapped as it wasn't open.

We headed straight to the Boh Tea Plantation for a tour of the factory. The tea manufacturing process was in plain sight of everyone there. We went a little overboard buying tea in the shop. The highlight of our visit there was securing a seat in the cafe right by the side of the area overlooking the tea plantation. We sat there enjoying the view along with our tea and scones. It was a sight for sore eyes indeed.

We left the tea plantation halfheartedly and headed to KEA Farm Markets and filled our tummies with boiled sweet potatoes, and lekor (fried fish sausages). Sam's Mum could not resist the temptation to buy strawberries and both Mums were very happy with the strawberries, actually.

We stopped at Cactus Farm to have a look at the plants sold there but sadly, we couldn't purchase anything as it wouldn't have survived the rest of our road trip. There were some sellers at the Cactus Farm who were really rude and making remarks about the visitors to their outlet which made me resolve to not return in future.

We made a quick pit stop at a night market for my 'nasi minyak' (rice with chicken, normally served at Malay weddings, but popularly sold in restaurants/stalls in the Pahang) fix and Sam's fried chicken fix.

Mums wanted steamboat for dinner as it was a rather cold night. Sam and I had to stuff ourselves silly as we had our food fixes an hour or two before dinner time. We felt completely stuffed and took a slow stroll browsing around the shops before returning to the hotel. Our plans for a quiet night were ruined by an inconsiderate hotel tenant that was staying in a room on our floor who was in a heated domestic argument which took place from inside the hotel room, to outside the room, proceeding to the stairs and lobby and the street itself! She stopped at each location and screamed her head off at each location. It went for a very long time. Then she screamed all the way back into her room! Thank God I had earplugs on. The rest weren't so lucky. I fell asleep feeling glad that we'll be leaving Cameron Highlands, despite my joy of being in a nice cooling climate again. Bring on Langkawi already, will ya?